Supporting Your Child Through Big Emotions

When your child is overwhelmed by a big emotion, it can be difficult to know what to do in the moment. They may be crying, shouting, refusing to cooperate or lashing out. Remembering that behaviour is communication can help you look beyond what your child is doing and consider what they may be experiencing. To understand more about what is happening for your child, read our article here.

Four steps to supporting your child in the moment

1. Start by staying calm

This can be easier said than done! Children are sensitive to the emotions of the adults around them. Our anger, frustration or stress will add to their own emotional intensity.

Take a moment to regulate yourself. Your calm presence can help your child feel safe while their own emotions are running high.

2. Acknowledge your child’s feeling

You don't need to agree with your child's behaviour to acknowledge how they are feeling. Saying “You look really angry” or “I can see this is really hard for you” helps children connect words with their emotions. For a young child who is overwhelmed, knowing that their feeling has been noticed and understood can be reassuring.

3. Keep clear boundaries

Big emotions are okay, but some behaviours are not. Children need to learn that it is okay to feel angry, frustrated or upset, while still having boundaries

You might say, “It's okay to feel angry. It's not okay to hurt someone.”

4. Offer choices when you can

Young children are developing independence and can find it difficult when they feel they have no control. Where appropriate, offering simple choices can give them a sense of control without removing the boundary.

For example: “Would you like to put your shoes on yourself or would you like me to help?”

Remember to take care of yourself too!

Your child's big emotions can trigger big emotions in you. If you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, remind yourself: this is about their development, not me as a parent.

Don't forget to look after your own emotional needs. A small calming activity can help - perhaps a cup of coffee, your favourite music, five minutes outside or whatever you know helps you reset.

Supporting your child through big emotions starts with understanding that they are still learning how to manage feelings that can be much bigger than their ability to cope with them. In our next articles we will give ideas for building your child’s self-regulation skills, so over time they will be able to manage their emotions without your support.